The gods love to tease

I'm not writing this as a complaint, but rather as a humerous event that happened last week.

In an effort to keep in touch, my parents added me and my sister on a cell phone plan.  Go figure, my parents and my sister got new cell phones and I was stuck with their old one which was about 2 years old.  I wasn't too disappointed, I never carried a cell phone before, and didn't care too much about it.  However, as things started breaking on my phone, I became annoyed.  The internal speaker wouldn't work (had to constantly use the speaker phone), when I charged it, it would randomly change my ring tone (even when taken off the charger), and a few other annoyances that just continued to get worse.

Well, my phone was eligable for a $100 upgrade.  First of all, if you're with verizon, make sure you have the original person who is on the bill available if you are going to talk to verizon.  I was unable to do nothing, because I was not the original person who started the plan.  That was quite frustrating, for both getting my new phone, and activating it.

Any rate.  My father finally ordered my new phone (which was more than $100, but is free because of sales and rebate, sweet!).  He ordered it and had it shipped to me, which should have arrived in 2 days (as Verizon told me).  All during that week, I was excited about getting a new working phone.  Every single day, the gods teased me by constantly showing me UPS trucks.  Any time I went out to town, I would pass a truck and wonder if it would stop by my house.  Well, about 5 days passed and I still didn't have my phone.  But, the gods continued to tease.  Finally, my father calls me and tells me my uncle has the phone (for some reason, the UPS truck left the package with my uncle because I wasn't home).

But, I finally have my new phone, and love it.  I have a color screen and a camera!  Cool.

A Short Prose at Your Request

I have written another short prose piece which is perhaps a little extreme for my taste.  At any rate, it is also rather personal, and I would like your (anyone) opinion, but because of it's content, I do not wish to post it publically online.  Do not worry, I make it sound worse than it is.

So, if you would like to read this, please let me know, and I'll send it to you.  If I don't know you, tell me a little about you, because this piece is deep and somewhat dramatic, I'm not certain of just anybody.

At the time I am posting this, I have started editing the prose piece.  I will not send it out for a couple of days (though probably by Memorial Day).

Requiem

Sadly, today I have lost a very good friend.  This person was very close to me and changed my life in many different ways.  I am very sad to have lost such a good friend. 

My close friend, my love for you will continue forever.  I pray you are happy.
-Brandon Steward

Really Cool Graphics

It may seem a little strange for me (or anyone) to praise a commercial, but I had just seen a really cool commercial.  It was a commercial for HP computers (without even showing one computer).  Any rate, the effects they used were really cool, I don't know how to describe it, but it was something like a magic card show.  It does sound somewhat lame to be praising a commercial, but I have to hand it to them, HP has done some real creative and just plain cool things.

My Life is Brilliant

I was listening to James Blunt's You're Beautiful when I noticed the opening lyrics state "My life is brilliant".  I thought, what an interesting statement.  What does that mean?  It is not an expression or phrase you hear very often, in fact, I haven't ever heard this expression.  I just thought it was interesting, and felt like saying something about it.
-Brandon

Late Night Prose

Here is a short prose piece that I had just written, and present here unedited.  I will probably come back to it later and edit it to better suit my liking, but for now, I wanted to get it on my blog.

Hours before dawn in that time of night when even the thieves were asleep, magic was brewing on the horizon.  Lightning bugs were flashing and sparkling in the field as bright green stars that would move with a life of their own.  Far off to the south could be seen flashes of lightning that told of a coming storm.  I had just woken from a nightmare I had experienced before when I noticed the magic brewing on the horizon.


I stepped outside and walked among the floating stars trying to get closer to the gods' debate on the horizon.  I reached the middle of the field and watched the silent show and the flies' dancing among the flashes.  With each flash I could see the contours of the clouds and the reflections of the gods' faces within those dark clouds.  I reached my hands high and thrust out from my palms and my fingers my own power and fired up the clouds above me.  In a silent white flash my world was revealed in the dark night, every blade of grass, every rock an dhill before me being made clearer than day.  After a moment, the gods responded to me, showing their power and authority.  With each flash they made, I returned on in kind.  They became more insistent, and I became more forceful.  My flashes were getting brighter and brighter and theirs was getting closer and closer.  Soon, I tired of this display and retired to the ground.  Amongst the gods' power on the horizon, I watched the flying stars above me swirl me into a deep sleep.  I never woke from that sleep, having revealed myself to the gods.  For years have they been searching for me, and tonight I peacefully surrended.

I do not consider myself much of a writer, but after waking from a bad dream and walking upstairs to my house I noticed lighting on the horizon and that sparked this creative inspiration.  I am open to criticism and pointers/editing/comments anyone may have to say.  I won't get offended if you don't like it, and I will be glad if you do.  It's late now, but over the next few days, I'll probably do some editing to this little prose piece and fix it up a little.  Enjoy!
-Brandon Steward

Painful Event

Closer towards the end of this month, I'll be approaching what would be a very significant event in my life.  This even should be a time of great joy and celebration, however, it will be the opposite of that.  I wasn't sure how I would emotionally approach this event, but it seems that it's not going to be good.

My panic attacks are happening more frequently and it is becoming harder to either avoid them or 'remedy' them.  Work helps, for the most part, and since an employee quit, I'll be getting more hours until they hire someone.  The extra hours at work will help to distract me and keep me busy and in a social scene.  So far, I haven't had a problem with my personal life affecting work, and I don't really think that it will, but the rate things are going, I'm not always sure.

At any rate, I don't post very often on this blog, and until June, I probably will rarely post, however, I will try to keep it somewhat regular.  There's not many people that read this, at any rate.

The Perfect Remedy

I was feeling a little depressed this evening, and in an attempt to avoiding a panic attack, I finally did what my doctor suggested.  I ran.

It was really quite beautiful (not necessarily me running, but the night).  I was quite late (shortly before midnight), and it had rained hard earlier in the late afternoon, but the sky had cleared, so it was very starlit and heavy fog.  The light from other houses would stream through the fog, and the darkness that covered the road was like a mysterious plain.  It was really a beautiful sight.  You could hear drops of rain falling on the trees, and my breathing could be seen in the fog.

I couldn't run very far (out of shape).  But my doctor was right, running/jogging is just what's needed during a depression.  It doesn't solve the bigger problem, but it does help you to think more clearly and eliviate the unwanted feelings.  I used to really like running, and have followed a few plans, but for some reason, never kept them up.  It's now been a couple of years since I had actually tried a running plan, but I'm going to start it again.  Hopefully I'll be able to keep this exercise going.

An Amazing Experience

Today I had the opportunity to participate in an experience that took me back several years to my childhood and really brought back some talents that I had lost over the past several months.  This "reawakening" is just what I have been striving for for a long time.  Though with this experience I feel a lot of pain and loss, it is who I am, and who I must be.  So, here is the experience.

I had recently learned that I really do like outdoor work.  There is something wonderful to gain from working with your hands in the field.  My favorite jobs is mowing and weed-eating, as there is something meditative about the work as well as work you can do alone.  So today I helped my sister clean her yard by weeding what the mower couldn't get.  I wasn't looking to get anything out of it, I had just finished with my house and thought that she could use a little help with her yard.  At any rate, I had finished and returned home where my other sister was mowing my yard.  I had walked out to the field to wave at her and show her my appreciation.  While I was out there the sun had started to set and I decided to just enjoy the cool day and watch the clouds and the sun set.  It had been very windy of late and the clouds were moving quite fast.  And that was when the amazing part of the experience began.  While looking at the clouds, I had noticed just how beautiful they were.  It was just amazing to see all the different layers, folds, and ripples within each.  The sun was setting and looked like gold shining through th etrees.  I watched the sun set and the dark clouds demand presence over the higher white cotton clouds.  A couple of times I could feel little rain drops falling and would start to giggle (in a manly way), and immediately decided that if it rained, I would stay out here and enjoy it.  I quickly took off my shoes and socks and took them inside where I left everything else that I didn't want to get wet.  It never did rain, but the gods like to tease me.  I watched as the sunlight hit the very tops of the trees behind me and as it lost its gold luster and turned more orange as it descended beyond the horizon.  I must have stayed out there for at least an hour just watching, listening, feeling.  When it finally got too dark, I went back inside but sat in the sun-room with the typewrite I had recently found and began typing.

This experience is important to me because it took me back to my childhood where I would have these wonderful experiences that ultimately decided for me what I would do in life.  Over the past few years I had lost this artistic excitement and would lose a lot of focus and motivation.  Writing music became a chore and did not contain that necessity I had as a child to explore and experience.  What I experienced today is a great reminder of who I had chosen to be as a child.  Things have been quite tough of late and I hope that I don't lose this experience or the ultimate meaning of my life again.

There is one thing that I wonder about.  This experience I had can happen frequently if I look for it or allow it to happen.  I ever wonder if other people, the "lay" people out there have these same experiences, or is it just us, the artists (as it is these experiences that move our art)?  If everyone can or does experience this, then I would implore them to seek it often.  If not, then I truly pity them.  At any rate, I am very thankful for the home that I have and my childhood that brought me to where I am.

Beautiful Rain

There is something magical about the rain.  For some reason it is my favorite kind of weather.  We've been having a lot of it, and that's caused some frustration, but this morning, there is something wonderful about it.

I've always like to write while it is raining, not sure why, there's something meditative about the whole experience.  Sometimes I would sit outside under the porch and watch the storm, my parents did that as well (I may have picked it up from them).  I remember as a child sometimes I would play in the rain, and as a teen, I would challenge the "storm gods" to make it as miserable, or to show their power!  One of the most beautiful experiences I remember was during a heavy rain, I walked down to a pond that was about 200 yards away from the house, and I stood on the dock and watched the rain hit the water and the bubbles that would form and waves, etc.   It was very beautiful, I had never seen anything like that before.  There wasn't any buildings immediately around the pond, so I was relatively alone in nature.  I would walk into the woods and listen to the rain hitting the leaves and ground.  It has always been a beautiful experience.

So, I write most often during the rain, and I write slowest during the rain as well, I think about what I'm saying more, I savor the words more.  It's an interesting concept.