Here is a short prose piece that I had just written, and present here unedited. I will probably come back to it later and edit it to better suit my liking, but for now, I wanted to get it on my blog.
Hours before dawn in that time of night when even the thieves were asleep, magic was brewing on the horizon. Lightning bugs were flashing and sparkling in the field as bright green stars that would move with a life of their own. Far off to the south could be seen flashes of lightning that told of a coming storm. I had just woken from a nightmare I had experienced before when I noticed the magic brewing on the horizon.
I stepped outside and walked among the floating stars trying to get closer to the gods' debate on the horizon. I reached the middle of the field and watched the silent show and the flies' dancing among the flashes. With each flash I could see the contours of the clouds and the reflections of the gods' faces within those dark clouds. I reached my hands high and thrust out from my palms and my fingers my own power and fired up the clouds above me. In a silent white flash my world was revealed in the dark night, every blade of grass, every rock an dhill before me being made clearer than day. After a moment, the gods responded to me, showing their power and authority. With each flash they made, I returned on in kind. They became more insistent, and I became more forceful. My flashes were getting brighter and brighter and theirs was getting closer and closer. Soon, I tired of this display and retired to the ground. Amongst the gods' power on the horizon, I watched the flying stars above me swirl me into a deep sleep. I never woke from that sleep, having revealed myself to the gods. For years have they been searching for me, and tonight I peacefully surrended.
I do not consider myself much of a writer, but after waking from a bad dream and walking upstairs to my house I noticed lighting on the horizon and that sparked this creative inspiration. I am open to criticism and pointers/editing/comments anyone may have to say. I won't get offended if you don't like it, and I will be glad if you do. It's late now, but over the next few days, I'll probably do some editing to this little prose piece and fix it up a little. Enjoy!
-Brandon Steward
2 comments:
Its pretty good for a short descriptive writing. But its kind of a hard read. You have a lot of things that the reader has to take in while they are trying to feel what you want them to experience. Give descriptions to why you are raising your palms to the Gods. Why are you so moved to do so? Why was this a peaceful surrender? Also describe this magic in more detail that is on the horizon and what is so magical about it? Is the magic from the Gods or the up coming storm?
I enjoy critiquing others work because, I surly appreciate it when others critique mine! Im not a professional writer either but it is great to get critism good or bad! Its the only way I will obtain the knowledge of what people are truly feeling!
Sweet! Since I truly have no idea who you truly are, I still think the writing was good! I guess that is why I was a little lost! :)
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