Blogger Beta

I have updated my blog to the Beta version. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to do this, but I finally decided to try it out (even though it is irreversible). I had some problems at first, but hopefully everything is fixed now. No big major changes, hope you enjoy!

My Response to Human Species

I read this article and thought I'd post my thoughts on it. My first initial response: hogwash. Basically the article says the human species will evolve into two different subspecies one superior (tall, smart, attractive, etc.) and one inferior (squat, stupid, etc). Also, our huge dependence on technology will begin our downfall. I find all of this doubtful as I feel that there is just too many factors that he is leaving out. Also, theories of evolution describe physical features that change, they do not describe psychological changes. I find it hard to believe that "Social skills, such as communicating and interacting with others, could be lost, along with emotions such as love, sympathy, trust and respect." as there is no real evidence of this psychological change, not even in the animal world.

My thoughts.

Dramatic Changes

Our lives are constantly changing in some form or another, little by little. Big dramatic changes only happen over time. Unless something truly dramatic (and often tragic) happens in your life.

For most of my life I have believed the same things, done the same things.... Sure, there have been changes, but they happen naturally over time. This past year there have been some truly dramatic events in my life (some tragic) and the change I've experienced in just the past couple of months in my own life is greater than I believe I would have ever achieved.

I have always been trying to find my identity. In the past few years I felt I was coming closer and closer to an answer, only (as luck would have it) to have a huge roadblock keep me from finding that answer. Now, I feel as though I am back at square one. My personal beliefs have taken a few dramatic turns. My lifestyle, even parts that haven't changed my entire life have been redefined in just the past couple of months. In a since, I'm a completely different person than I was just a few months ago. I forced these changes on myself. I could no longer live with the same ideals and traditions that my previous life held. It was much too painful. I had to change to live.

I'm not sure what the point of this is except that perhaps there is no answer to life. Many of us spend our lives trying to find our identity, trying to find our true selves, etc. I have come to believe that perhaps it doesn't exist.

My philosophical 2 cents.

Dreams fulfilling Needs

Wouldn't it be great if our dreams provided us with needed psychological needs. For instance, let's say a big tragic event occurred in your life and you did not have the proper amount of time to grieve and get over the event. At that point, we would grieve in our dreams. You may not want to wake up the next morning, or not feel very good the next morning, but you would have fulfilled a psychological need. Another example, let's say you did not receive the support you needed from your parents to pursue your lifelong goals. This would create a lot of psychological distress. When you dreamed, however, you dreamed of getting that support and were again provided with that need. Wouldn't that be neat?

I thought of this idea when last night I dreamed of spending time with some friends that I have not seen in a long time. I dearly missed them and just did not have the opportunity to be with them. It was making me a little blue. Even though the events were ficticious, I still enjoyed the dream and felt better about not seeing my friends. I may even be encouraged to seek my old friends out.

Just a thought.

Sleep Walking

At about this time 3:15 am, I woke up and had a spark of inspiration.  Every now and then I'll write something I'm proud of and tonight (or this morning) it happened again.  However, this work is somewhat personal, therefore, I won't be posting it publically on my blog.  If you would like to read it (it's not very long) please email me and I'll send it to you.  For now, I'm going back to bed.

Book Browsing

I was walking around Books A Million this afternoon when I stumbled on a book that I read a long time ago when inspiration took over.  Here's what I wrote immediately after.  Warning: this is unpolished pure raw material.
-Stew

I found it!  I found the book I had been searching for for a long time.  I held it in my hands and those familiar feelings started to rise within my chest.  I feel weak and almost fall to the ground.  I have found it, but do I dare take it?  Can I travel this road again?  Can I do it alone? 

I put the book back.  I'm not sure that I can take on this burden.  Just holding the book took away much of my strength.  Now, reading it may destroy me.  Again.  Those other books destroyed my strength, my will, not too long ago.  What would this do?  Of course, those books were different, I was betrayed.  I don't have to read the book now, I could just take it, but after just holding it, I'm not sure I could even take it.

I have found it, and it will remain here.  When I am ready, perhaps when I have a companion, I will relive those times and once again leave this world behind.  Perhaps this time I won't have to return at all.

BTW, I decided I didn't have enough money and didn't buy the book.

Writing Challenge

Here's a challenge for the creative out there (and non-creative that want something to do).  Take the paragraph below, copy it, and use it as the start of your story.  Good luck.
-BS

What?  My life?  No, surely not.  There's really nothing to say.  Why worry or wonder about mine when you've got your own?  There's nothing special here.  I'm just living my life.

Storytelling

Often when I am writing prose, I write what I hear in my mind.  Most often, this inspiration, the syntax, comes to me as if someone was telling me the story.  Many times I feel as though my writing would be better if it was spoken, or recited, rather than read silently.  I have often thought of postscripting some of my writings with the direction "to be read aloud." 

We really don't hear of storytellers (bards) anymore.  It is as a dying art being replaced with movies, songs, books.  While these other forms of entertainment are thrilling, I think there can be some real value to an experienced, talented storyteller.

Speakers are a kind of storyteller, but from what I have observed from speaking and listening to speakers, it is much too prescribed, no artistic talent is used.  Time is spent knowing your information, reciting, arguing, yet not "getting in the mood."  Plays force you to adopt a character style, but they often involve several people.  How about one person telling a simple story, in character, in style, with talent.  We're losing that.

Writing...

I am having a lot of luck with a short prose story I have just begun writing.  Right before work, the words started spilling and after work they continued to spill (to my great pleasure).  I really like the way this work has progressed, immediately it took on a life of its own and it took very little effort for me to find inspiration.  Of course, this is just the first draft, as I start to reread and edit I may find this piece to become more difficult.

One problem I am having is my main character has to go through a major change in his life, a major progression.  I want this progression to be a very personal change.  Some non-personal ideas would be: my character gets involved in a new relationship and that relationship (or influence from the other person) helps them change, or my character joins the military and helps him change, etc.  I don't want there to be some kind of outside influence, but to be a total inward change.  I also don't want some dramatic event to take place (near death experience, etc.) to motivate him (wake him up) to change.  I'm having a little bit of difficulty with this part, but I am still in the first processes of writing this, so inspiration will still come.

As time passes, I'll be working on this and editing it and will let you know when it is finished.  This will probably be a bit longer than some of my previous writings (some of which I've posted), and so probably will not post the entire piece on this blog.  However, we'll see.  I'll keep you posted as to when this is finished.

Anyone there?

Sometimes, I really wonder whether there is anyone out there like me.  As I meet more and more people, I find that they are all really the same. 

Freeing Time

For some time now, I have been on a productivity/GTD spree.  For those of you who aren't familiar with all of that, visit these sites: Steve Pavlina, DIY Planner.

For a while now, I have been going about my daily life without a watch.  Just a few months ago, I would have told you that I cannot live without my watch, and it ruled my day.  At that time, I planned everything by the hour and followed that plan closely.  The problem, however came when it was a question of productivity vs. watching time. 

When I had my watch on, I could consistently glance at it to see how much time I had left to perform whatever task I was working on.  I thought that this was productive because I could then gauge my time better and spend it better.  Upon reflection, I now find that to be flawed.  When I wore a watch, I was focused more on the time rather than the task.  Now, that I'm not restricting myself by the time, I can focus more on the task.

I got this idea when looking for ways to help my sleeping.  One idea that I thought was genius is to either hide the clock or not have a clock in your bedroom when you're sleeping.  While you're laying there trying to fall asleep, if you have a clock that you can see, it is going to keep you from sleeping.  Remember waking up in the middle of the night and glancing at your clock and seeing you've still got 4 hours left?  Without a clock there, you don't spend the time and effort to focus your eyes and interpret the numbers and therefore make it harder for you to fall asleep.  This concept led me to eliminate using a clock/watch throughout my day.  I'm not focusing on the time, and am instead focusing on the task.  I carry around my cell phone and use the alarm on it to alert me when I need to do something else.

Give it a try sometime.  Free yourself from the hands that hold you to time.

Be a Better Driver

In my private flute lessons, my teacher emphasized Alexander Technique.  The idea behind this is to observe your body and your methods of movement to eliminate pain caused by improper posture or movement.  As you can imagine, this is important for musicians as learning this technique can prevent carpel tunnel, eliminate back pain, produce better sound/breathing, etc.  Ever since I was younger I have had a tendency to slump my shoulders and bow my head in a way that produced excess tension and bad posture.  I'm so used to this that I don't even notice it, until I practice my flute.  I'll get sharp pain in my back, my shoulders will ache, etc.  Thanks to my teacher, I am now more aware of what I'm doing wrong and can fix it.

Recently, I have found myself focusing more attention again to my posture.  At my job I spend most of the time standing and have found that my posture once again slumps back to the old way.  Even when driving, I have started noticing excess tension and have changed the way I drive.  I tend to slump down in the seat, slump my shoulders forward and keep my head low.  This feels normal to me, I've been doing this for a long time, it's natural.  However when I sit up straight, relax my shoulders, raise my head (adjust my mirrors), not only do I feel better when driving, but I drive better.  I'm more alert, more attentive to the road.  Something as simple as sitting up can have a big impact on my driving.  I have even found that when I drive correctly to work, I tend to have a better day at work, I walk in with more energy, I feel better about myself.

Sometimes, when we take notice of even the simplest things to change in our lives, it can have a big impact. 

Eternal Principles

There is a lot that I am wanting to post on this blog, however due to the business of my schedule lately, I am having trouble finding time to organize my ideas and record them in a way that's perceptible to everybody else.  The next few posts that I make over the next week will probably be quite short, sweet and un-explanatory.  I am merely getting these ideas down on my blog to further give me some initiative to write.  Most of these ideas will be a repost.  -BS

Something that I have explored in the past several months is the idea and perception of eternity and living those principles in our lives (and only by those principles) which are eternal.  For instance, (most of us) don't know what will happen to ourselves after we die.  If our spirits live on, we don't know where, how, etc.  If we cease to exist then everything I'm posting here is irrelevant.  However, if anything I've been seeking the past few months is going to be any help, I must assume that I do live after I die and that at the very least I will have the same consciousness and same knowledge I have now (or else the afterlife is, again, irrelevant). 

With that in mind, we can see that dependence on anything besides ourselves is dangerous.  As a composer, I use a lot of tools to write my music.  I depend on a piano, paper, pencil/ink, Finale, instruments, books, players, etc (the very least, pencil and staff paper).  Writing music is very important to me, it is a very large part of my life.  When I cannot create music, I feel a loss, I fall into a depression.  It is hard for me to believe that after I die, I will not be able to write music.  Just think about what you are most passionate about, and imagine that in any fleeting moment, (for eternity) you can no longer perform that passion.  Now, imagine that if all we had was our consciousness and our mind, what would we be able to accomplish.  How much do we depend on those things which are finite?  Another example is, if you smoke, imagine having that addiction, but without the body.  Without the ability to smoke.  You have drawn dependence on something that is not finite.  Over the past few months I have been doing some self-spiritual-exploration in which I try to find those things which we should base our lives after, those things which will continue to sustain us even after death, those things which we can eternally depend on. 

More on this later.  Feel free to post your ideas.

Education and Democracy

I have noticed a slight rise in complaints against public education (and other government sponsored programs originally designed to improve our society and provide a basic necessity).  First of all, some of these complaints come from people who claim to speak for the welfare of our children, but actually try to force their own biased beliefs on our children.

I have a serious problem with this: first of all, many people who complain about these programs are conspiracy airheads which lose the whole point of the service.  I believe that it is a genius idea for the government to require manditory education and not only that, but provide a way to make that education happen.  For anyone who believes the government shouldn't do this: too many people are too stupid to find a way to provide education to their children.  If the government did not make it manditory and provide a plan, it wouldn't happen.  Second, I do not see any suggestions to make the existing program work.  The only solutions I've seen is those which are more expensive and abandon the original program.  Ladies and gentlemen, if an existing government program does not work, first try to find a way to make it better before abandoning it!  I admit, the process may be long and hard, and with an imperfect government, improvements may be harder than need be, but completely abandoning the idea just because "you don't like it" is rediculous.  I have gotten a small taste of what it requires to get an education degree, and I'll have to say: there is no conspiracy theory.  Education students are learning their subjects and how to teach them, not how to "brainwash" your children.

When we find something we don't like, why do we assume the only option is to abandon the program?  It is just plain rediculous to abandon those programs we don't like, especially when it is a large part of our lives (government, education, business, etc.)  Suggestion: find good concrete reasons why you don't like it, and make good suggestions for change.  Be unbiased.  The whole purpose of a democratic government and society is that the people run the country.  How can we run the country when we do not try to improve but instead just opt to completely abandon?  You want a true democratic country where your opinion counts and where the people decide for the country?  Try getting involved in these programs and improving from the inside, there is no democracy when you do not make your contribution, then it is a seperated society that cares nothing for the other person.  Anyways, that's my thoughts.

Memoir Letters

First of all, I apologize for not having updated my blog more frequently.  There has been a lot going on and things have been quite busy, but now things are starting to settle down and return to a normal pace.

For some time now, I have been wanting to write a letter to a former "friend".  It has been quite difficult just getting started, I've played with the idea in my mind, but commiting to it, is another matter.  Any rate, I have finally started writing this letter today.  Needless to say, I plan on taking it through a few drafts as this will be the only letter and probably the only contact I will have with this person as we will no longer see each other or communicate with each other in any way anymore.  The situation is slightly complicated.

At any rate, I have begun writing this letter, and it has taken me down a painful path.  In the past couple of weeks, my luck has turned and things have started to change for me.  I wanted to write this letter, because I believe in the power of personal letters (those things with ink and paper which actually takes thought).  I even use a special pen, ink, and paper for this letter.  Since I will no longer communicate with this former friend, I wanted to express how I truly felt and how I hope they will remember me.  Writing this letter is a kind of memoir, as I will keep the drafts and hope that my former friend will keep the actual letter.  I keep everything (almost) that I write.  I have always done this and feel that it is very important.  I would like to dream that some time in the far future, younger generations will have an interest in our lives (as we have interest in Beethoven's letters, and Shostakovich, etc.) and will seek whatever writings we have made.  I haven't done a lot of geneology work, but from what I have experienced, it is quite amazing to read the letters and really get inside the minds of my great relatives.

Anyways, I will post or repost, as I finish and eventually send this letter, my thoughts.

A Cool Pen with a Cool Website

There is something to be said about writing with pen and paper.  I do a lot of my writing (both music and prose) on paper before I put it on the computer.  There are some things that I don't put on the computer (personal notes, letters, journals, etc.) and I like to use special pens/pencils for this.  Currently, for my journal and special letters, I use a cut nib pen (used for calligraphy) and 24lb. resume paper (looks cool).  I also use a special water-resistant (I think that's called waterproof) ink. 

When I'm out and about, I carry with me a Wellspring flip notes which I use constantly to write on the go.  And I would recommend it for anyone who needs a small very durable notebook to carry with them.  I have also found a new pen.  It is called Lamy.  It also has nib style (fountain pen) that I like.  (It also has ball point).  If you're a pen person (like me) check out their site, I have to give them some credit, it's quite creative (not the usual boring company site that only has one objective: their product).  I have to confess, I haven't got one of these pens yet, and so don't know how well it holds up, but it's cheap and looks pretty cool.

Observation from Earlier Today

Look at this old couple walking together.  Both of them has a smile on their face and are holding hands.  They have to be in their 70s.  It's sad, really, because they are the last two people who are still together at that age, from now and into the future.

The gods love to tease

I'm not writing this as a complaint, but rather as a humerous event that happened last week.

In an effort to keep in touch, my parents added me and my sister on a cell phone plan.  Go figure, my parents and my sister got new cell phones and I was stuck with their old one which was about 2 years old.  I wasn't too disappointed, I never carried a cell phone before, and didn't care too much about it.  However, as things started breaking on my phone, I became annoyed.  The internal speaker wouldn't work (had to constantly use the speaker phone), when I charged it, it would randomly change my ring tone (even when taken off the charger), and a few other annoyances that just continued to get worse.

Well, my phone was eligable for a $100 upgrade.  First of all, if you're with verizon, make sure you have the original person who is on the bill available if you are going to talk to verizon.  I was unable to do nothing, because I was not the original person who started the plan.  That was quite frustrating, for both getting my new phone, and activating it.

Any rate.  My father finally ordered my new phone (which was more than $100, but is free because of sales and rebate, sweet!).  He ordered it and had it shipped to me, which should have arrived in 2 days (as Verizon told me).  All during that week, I was excited about getting a new working phone.  Every single day, the gods teased me by constantly showing me UPS trucks.  Any time I went out to town, I would pass a truck and wonder if it would stop by my house.  Well, about 5 days passed and I still didn't have my phone.  But, the gods continued to tease.  Finally, my father calls me and tells me my uncle has the phone (for some reason, the UPS truck left the package with my uncle because I wasn't home).

But, I finally have my new phone, and love it.  I have a color screen and a camera!  Cool.

A Short Prose at Your Request

I have written another short prose piece which is perhaps a little extreme for my taste.  At any rate, it is also rather personal, and I would like your (anyone) opinion, but because of it's content, I do not wish to post it publically online.  Do not worry, I make it sound worse than it is.

So, if you would like to read this, please let me know, and I'll send it to you.  If I don't know you, tell me a little about you, because this piece is deep and somewhat dramatic, I'm not certain of just anybody.

At the time I am posting this, I have started editing the prose piece.  I will not send it out for a couple of days (though probably by Memorial Day).

Requiem

Sadly, today I have lost a very good friend.  This person was very close to me and changed my life in many different ways.  I am very sad to have lost such a good friend. 

My close friend, my love for you will continue forever.  I pray you are happy.
-Brandon Steward

Really Cool Graphics

It may seem a little strange for me (or anyone) to praise a commercial, but I had just seen a really cool commercial.  It was a commercial for HP computers (without even showing one computer).  Any rate, the effects they used were really cool, I don't know how to describe it, but it was something like a magic card show.  It does sound somewhat lame to be praising a commercial, but I have to hand it to them, HP has done some real creative and just plain cool things.

My Life is Brilliant

I was listening to James Blunt's You're Beautiful when I noticed the opening lyrics state "My life is brilliant".  I thought, what an interesting statement.  What does that mean?  It is not an expression or phrase you hear very often, in fact, I haven't ever heard this expression.  I just thought it was interesting, and felt like saying something about it.
-Brandon

Late Night Prose

Here is a short prose piece that I had just written, and present here unedited.  I will probably come back to it later and edit it to better suit my liking, but for now, I wanted to get it on my blog.

Hours before dawn in that time of night when even the thieves were asleep, magic was brewing on the horizon.  Lightning bugs were flashing and sparkling in the field as bright green stars that would move with a life of their own.  Far off to the south could be seen flashes of lightning that told of a coming storm.  I had just woken from a nightmare I had experienced before when I noticed the magic brewing on the horizon.


I stepped outside and walked among the floating stars trying to get closer to the gods' debate on the horizon.  I reached the middle of the field and watched the silent show and the flies' dancing among the flashes.  With each flash I could see the contours of the clouds and the reflections of the gods' faces within those dark clouds.  I reached my hands high and thrust out from my palms and my fingers my own power and fired up the clouds above me.  In a silent white flash my world was revealed in the dark night, every blade of grass, every rock an dhill before me being made clearer than day.  After a moment, the gods responded to me, showing their power and authority.  With each flash they made, I returned on in kind.  They became more insistent, and I became more forceful.  My flashes were getting brighter and brighter and theirs was getting closer and closer.  Soon, I tired of this display and retired to the ground.  Amongst the gods' power on the horizon, I watched the flying stars above me swirl me into a deep sleep.  I never woke from that sleep, having revealed myself to the gods.  For years have they been searching for me, and tonight I peacefully surrended.

I do not consider myself much of a writer, but after waking from a bad dream and walking upstairs to my house I noticed lighting on the horizon and that sparked this creative inspiration.  I am open to criticism and pointers/editing/comments anyone may have to say.  I won't get offended if you don't like it, and I will be glad if you do.  It's late now, but over the next few days, I'll probably do some editing to this little prose piece and fix it up a little.  Enjoy!
-Brandon Steward

Painful Event

Closer towards the end of this month, I'll be approaching what would be a very significant event in my life.  This even should be a time of great joy and celebration, however, it will be the opposite of that.  I wasn't sure how I would emotionally approach this event, but it seems that it's not going to be good.

My panic attacks are happening more frequently and it is becoming harder to either avoid them or 'remedy' them.  Work helps, for the most part, and since an employee quit, I'll be getting more hours until they hire someone.  The extra hours at work will help to distract me and keep me busy and in a social scene.  So far, I haven't had a problem with my personal life affecting work, and I don't really think that it will, but the rate things are going, I'm not always sure.

At any rate, I don't post very often on this blog, and until June, I probably will rarely post, however, I will try to keep it somewhat regular.  There's not many people that read this, at any rate.

The Perfect Remedy

I was feeling a little depressed this evening, and in an attempt to avoiding a panic attack, I finally did what my doctor suggested.  I ran.

It was really quite beautiful (not necessarily me running, but the night).  I was quite late (shortly before midnight), and it had rained hard earlier in the late afternoon, but the sky had cleared, so it was very starlit and heavy fog.  The light from other houses would stream through the fog, and the darkness that covered the road was like a mysterious plain.  It was really a beautiful sight.  You could hear drops of rain falling on the trees, and my breathing could be seen in the fog.

I couldn't run very far (out of shape).  But my doctor was right, running/jogging is just what's needed during a depression.  It doesn't solve the bigger problem, but it does help you to think more clearly and eliviate the unwanted feelings.  I used to really like running, and have followed a few plans, but for some reason, never kept them up.  It's now been a couple of years since I had actually tried a running plan, but I'm going to start it again.  Hopefully I'll be able to keep this exercise going.

An Amazing Experience

Today I had the opportunity to participate in an experience that took me back several years to my childhood and really brought back some talents that I had lost over the past several months.  This "reawakening" is just what I have been striving for for a long time.  Though with this experience I feel a lot of pain and loss, it is who I am, and who I must be.  So, here is the experience.

I had recently learned that I really do like outdoor work.  There is something wonderful to gain from working with your hands in the field.  My favorite jobs is mowing and weed-eating, as there is something meditative about the work as well as work you can do alone.  So today I helped my sister clean her yard by weeding what the mower couldn't get.  I wasn't looking to get anything out of it, I had just finished with my house and thought that she could use a little help with her yard.  At any rate, I had finished and returned home where my other sister was mowing my yard.  I had walked out to the field to wave at her and show her my appreciation.  While I was out there the sun had started to set and I decided to just enjoy the cool day and watch the clouds and the sun set.  It had been very windy of late and the clouds were moving quite fast.  And that was when the amazing part of the experience began.  While looking at the clouds, I had noticed just how beautiful they were.  It was just amazing to see all the different layers, folds, and ripples within each.  The sun was setting and looked like gold shining through th etrees.  I watched the sun set and the dark clouds demand presence over the higher white cotton clouds.  A couple of times I could feel little rain drops falling and would start to giggle (in a manly way), and immediately decided that if it rained, I would stay out here and enjoy it.  I quickly took off my shoes and socks and took them inside where I left everything else that I didn't want to get wet.  It never did rain, but the gods like to tease me.  I watched as the sunlight hit the very tops of the trees behind me and as it lost its gold luster and turned more orange as it descended beyond the horizon.  I must have stayed out there for at least an hour just watching, listening, feeling.  When it finally got too dark, I went back inside but sat in the sun-room with the typewrite I had recently found and began typing.

This experience is important to me because it took me back to my childhood where I would have these wonderful experiences that ultimately decided for me what I would do in life.  Over the past few years I had lost this artistic excitement and would lose a lot of focus and motivation.  Writing music became a chore and did not contain that necessity I had as a child to explore and experience.  What I experienced today is a great reminder of who I had chosen to be as a child.  Things have been quite tough of late and I hope that I don't lose this experience or the ultimate meaning of my life again.

There is one thing that I wonder about.  This experience I had can happen frequently if I look for it or allow it to happen.  I ever wonder if other people, the "lay" people out there have these same experiences, or is it just us, the artists (as it is these experiences that move our art)?  If everyone can or does experience this, then I would implore them to seek it often.  If not, then I truly pity them.  At any rate, I am very thankful for the home that I have and my childhood that brought me to where I am.

Beautiful Rain

There is something magical about the rain.  For some reason it is my favorite kind of weather.  We've been having a lot of it, and that's caused some frustration, but this morning, there is something wonderful about it.

I've always like to write while it is raining, not sure why, there's something meditative about the whole experience.  Sometimes I would sit outside under the porch and watch the storm, my parents did that as well (I may have picked it up from them).  I remember as a child sometimes I would play in the rain, and as a teen, I would challenge the "storm gods" to make it as miserable, or to show their power!  One of the most beautiful experiences I remember was during a heavy rain, I walked down to a pond that was about 200 yards away from the house, and I stood on the dock and watched the rain hit the water and the bubbles that would form and waves, etc.   It was very beautiful, I had never seen anything like that before.  There wasn't any buildings immediately around the pond, so I was relatively alone in nature.  I would walk into the woods and listen to the rain hitting the leaves and ground.  It has always been a beautiful experience.

So, I write most often during the rain, and I write slowest during the rain as well, I think about what I'm saying more, I savor the words more.  It's an interesting concept.

Remembering

A daughter of a friend has a unique experience to visit a relative that has performed a significant role in their family's life.  Because of the age of this relative and other factors, he does not act as himself.  When faced with the decision of visiting this relative, the question is, how will I remember him?  He is a better man than the way he may appear, when I look back on this moment and when I look back on my family history, am I going to only think of him in this way?

My answer: visit him.  Whether it is a relative, friend, associate, or a complete stranger, nothing can substitute for a visit in the flesh.  If possible touch him, grab his hand, feel the smoothness of his skin and the weight of his hand.  You choose how you wish to remember people.  We decide what factors, what parts of that person's personality we want to remember.  We will make judgements whether we want to or not, so decide what kind of judgements you want to make.  Decide on your own how you will remember the person.  And how you wish to remember a person may very well reflect how people remember you.  How you remember a person may reflect your own beliefs, standards, and life of your soul.  Savor every moment you can, especially with people who are significant in your life, and decide for yourself how you will remember that person.

Relevancy

Most things which we believe to be relevant, are not.  Part of wisdom is knowing what is relevant and acting on it.

Interesting Blog

This is a blog of a husband and wife who lost their son after a day and a half of life.  They are using this blog to write letters to their son "Jack".  Give it a look.

Letter's to Jack

I have been sitting at my desk for days.

This short piece of writing came to me as I ate breakfast this morning in my sunroom. I carry a blue memo pad around with me everywhere I go just for a few moments of inspiration. I prefer to do my writing at my desk, but when the moment strikes, I must take it. I write everything I can, then at my desk, edit it until I'm satisfied. I hope that you like this piece, there is some meaning behind it, and if you wish to know, email me. I would also like to hear any comments you may have.


I have been sitting at my desk for days. Writing, incessantly writing. Once I began, I could not stop. The music came freely and I could not write fast enough! It was sweet, it was giving; we formed a friendship and as I came to know her, I began to fall in love.

The intimate breath we shared was soft, we knew each other and I did not, could not, stop writing.

All day and all night would I write. Her sweet melodies surrounding me, encompassing me. Our lives were sweet and our love was long.

Then, in a simple moment, the music slowed; she started to show some disrest. The sweet melodies soon faded and dark dissonance started to creep in. I tried to comfort my music, but she would not be comforted. Darker her music became and slower would I write. A depression overcame us.

The coffee mugs and tea cups began to be replaced by liquor bottles. Notes that once dotted and filled pages now became scribbles and scratches amongst blank staves. I pleaded and begged my love to make that sweet music once again. She never did.

My desk became filled with torn and crumpled music that had no sound. Wet drops of my tears stained the ink. I pleaded and cried, but my only hope was these blue-green pills that dotted my desk, among the bottles, stains and dying music. I had lost my love.

I have been sitting at my desk for days and not another note has dropped from my pen. I keep waiting for her to come back, to show me that sweet music once again, but she is lost. I am weak and dare not move, dare not lose what black and white sounds I have before me. The blue-green pills, being the only color I see, will soon disappear, along with my heart that will not beat any more.

1st Post

Hello everybody. Welcome to my blog. This is the second blog I've actually started, the first one I shut down for various reasons, but this one I plan to keep. I can't say how often I will be posting, I don't care to talk about my personal life, as I see many people do, rather, I'd like to blog about whatever I'm thinking about. I love debating and hearing other people's opinions, thoughts, etc. So feel free to drop a line. I'd love to meet new people online, especially if you have something to say. Eventually I'll have an email address posted in my profile, but for now it's just comments.

If you don't know, I'm very interested in photography, I'm barely an amateur, but I love taking pictures and doing digital touchups, especially with people photography. I'm also a concert composer, though everyone seems to think being a soundtrack composer is the way to go, it's not for me, I'm more for concert music rather than movie music. Anyways, I'll shortly be graduating college with a music degree and then off to graduate school, not sure where just yet, but I am researching.

I love to write both prose and poetry, I'll perhaps be posting some of what I write here, comments always welcome. I like to read fantasy books, mostly Dragonlance and Sword of the Truth series. I also like to read ancient literature, and Shakespeare. As far as poetry, I'll read almost any kind, but I'm very selective as to what I like and what I'll re-read. When it comes to my critique (whether it be poetry, photography, music, etc.) I can be pretty harsh, but I'm certain about the way I feel and realize that it is my opinion and my opinion is not law. If you don't like what I say, great! tell me why. There's more I could say, but that's all for now.